More than wanting to be thin again, I just want to be able to continue binge drinking without getting fat. So far, I’ve succeeded.

Buddy bought a six pack of Miller Chill. Even though I’m not supposed to have any more calories today I wanted to laugh because it won’t be nearly enough to get me there, even if I get all six to myself.

I hate that, when he kisses me, his upper lip doesn’t smell or feel like yours. I can’t kiss back. I don’t want to be close to him. I’m not using him, because I want to be with HIM if I can’t be with you (and yes, I can be alone), I will just never want anyone other than you. Never. You are all there is for me.

Don’t you understand how much I love you?! None of this matters. Only you matter. And you left me alone.